Love, Unwanted (Discovering Love #3) Read online

  “What?” I laugh.

  “Bubbles is coming. This is an adventure for the entire family.”

  Family. As soon as my mind registers that word, my heart tightens. Family. That’s one thing I’ve never felt like I had, even when I was with my parents back home in England.

  I know Phoenix wasn’t including himself when he said that. He was referring to Bubbles and I, but I can’t help but think about what it would be like to have a family with him, to be more than just friends, even just to kiss or be held by him. These feelings I have for him are growing stronger and stronger by the minute, and a feeling in the pit of my gut is telling me that isn’t a good thing.

  “We can’t take Bubbles with us,” I say firmly once I snap out of my reverie.

  “And why not?” I smile at his genuinely surprised expression.

  “She’s a fish.”

  “I’m aware of that.”

  “Fish don’t go for car rides.”

  “Not normal fish, but Bubbles isn’t a normal fish. You said so yourself. This fish traveled from England to Ireland. She can handle a road trip.”

  That’s the end of the discussion. I know this when he turns and heads for the door without another word about Bubbles.

  I’m still staring at the front door he just disappeared out of when I hear him call my name. “You coming or what, gorgeous?”

  “Uh…yeah, coming.”

  “Let me take that,” Phoenix says. He takes my suitcase and throws it in the trunk. I climb in the passenger seat and put Bubbles in my lap.

  “Nice car.”

  “Thanks. I…uh…borrowed it. Are you ready?”

  “Where are we going?”

  “Just taking a road trip.”

  “To where?”

  “Nowhere.”

  Chapter Eight

  The Bates Motel

  “Caroline, baby, wake up.”

  My eyes flutter open when I feel my shoulder being nudged. I’m convinced I’m still dreaming when I open my eyes and find myself staring into Phoenix’s beautiful gray ones. All I want to do is close my eyes and stay in this dream, but only a second later, reality rears its head and I’m wide awake.

  “Where are we?” I ask. I stretch and climb out of the car.

  “We are about six hours outside of Lishoy. I thought we’d stop here at this motel and get some rest. Get a fresh start in the morning.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stands up as soon as I climb out of his car. It’s almost like I can feel someone watching me. I look around the dark parking lot, but there is not another soul in sight, not even any other vehicles.

  “Hey,” Phoenix says. He’s looking at me through concerned eyes. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. It’s nothing. I just thought I saw something,” I lie and shrug it off.

  I watch as he quickly scans the parking lot before looking back at me. “I don’t see anyone. It’s probably just because we’re in front of a hotel that looks like it could belong to the Bates. Come on, babe. What you need is sleep.”

  He’s right, I need sleep. My eyes are still droopy from the nap in the car and the door leading to our room feels like it’s hundreds of feet away instead of only ten.

  My attention goes to the bed as soon as we enter the room. My heart rate kicks into high gear when I see that there’s only one bed, and it speeds up even faster when I see that there isn’t even a couch.

  “Sorry about the bed. They said that this was the only room they had available. I’m fine sleeping on the floor.” There’s such sincerity in his voice and on his face that I silently berate myself for being such a wimp.

  I mean, honestly, what’s the big deal? We’re both adults here. I can lie in bed next to Phoenix and do nothing but sleep. It doesn’t matter how insanely good looking the man is or the fact since that first night in the supply closet all I’ve fantasized about is being in bed with him.

  I remind myself just because I’m falling for him does not mean he’s falling for me or sees me as anything other than a friend. My heart rate slows down and my mood goes down with it.

  “You don’t have to sleep on the floor. That bed is big enough for the both of us.”

  I distract myself by placing Bubble’s bowl on the bedside table and feeding her so Phoenix doesn’t see my red face. I really wish I didn’t have this kind of reaction in these kinds of situations.

  I hate I’m a shy girl who is hardly comfortable in her own skin. I despise myself for even thinking this, but I wish I could be like Marcy. She may be a bitch, but everyone can see just how confident and sure of herself she is. She’s beautiful…on the outside, at least, and she could have just about any man she wants.

  I wish I had that self-confidence and poise, but I don’t want just any man. I want the man I’ll be sharing that bed with tonight. As hard as I try to stop my feelings and my negative thoughts, it’s useless.

  I hear the bathroom door click closed, followed by the sound of the shower turning on. “I’m going to jump in the shower,” he calls to my back. As soon as I’m sure he won’t be walking back out of the bathroom any time soon, I jump into action and start rummaging through my suitcase so I can change into my pajamas before he’s done showering.

  “Bloody hell,” I murmur when I realize that the only pajamas I packed are a pair of too short sleep shorts and a too white tank top. Damn Phoenix for making me pack unexpectedly and in a hurry.

  I use the sink in the smallest kitchen area I’ve ever seen to wash my face and brush my teeth. I’m just hopping in bed when the bathroom door opens. Not even two seconds ago, I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open; so tired, in fact, that I was no longer worried about sharing a bed with Phoenix.

  Then the bathroom door opened and my sleepiness disappeared. Sleep is the last thing on my mind. Phoenix just walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a pair of sleep pants. Nothing. But. Sleep. Pants.

  His chiseled, ink covered chest is bare and oh, what a sight it is to see. I momentarily take a second to thank God I turned off the lights before I climbed into bed because if I hadn’t, I’m sure Phoenix would see me ogling him right now. I don’t think I could pull my eyes away if I tried. Come on, Caroline, get a hold of yourself!

  I roll onto my back when I feel him climb in next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he’s lying on his back too. This could not be any more awkward. We are cloaked in complete silence and both of us are staring at the yellow-stained ceiling like it’s the most interesting thing we’ve seen all year.

  Another ten minutes of awkward silence passes and I’ve decided I can’t take it anymore. “So, I’m going to take a guess and say you are not going to tell me where we’re going tomorrow?”

  “Your guess would be correct, princess.” He laughs, and then turns on his side to face me. I turn on my side to face him as well. “Admit it, you like it when I keep everything a surprise. It’s more fun this way.”

  “Yes, it is. It definitely takes me out of my comfort zone.”

  “It’s good for people to step out of their comfort zone. Plus, it makes life more interesting.”

  “I can definitely say my life has been a lot less more interesting since you’ve been gone this last week.”

  It was just an innocent statement, but I could tell that small statement changed the light mood instantly as soon as Phoenix stiffens. I’m scared that it will trigger another disagreement. We got into a small argument before leaving my house, but I’m already over it. Phoenix was right. This list isn’t his whole life, and he doesn’t have to report to me every day.

  “Look, about earlier—”

  “Really, Phoenix, it’s okay. I had no right to question you.”

  “No, you had a right. It was just a really long and stressful week and I snapped. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.”

  My breathing becomes heavy when he subtly moves closer to me.

  “It’s okay,” I reply, my voice cracking. I find myself wanting to pu
ll away and move closer at the same time. Neither side wins. I stay completely still. Through the little moonlight streaming through the windows, I can see Phoenix’s gray pools have turned to molten lava.

  Not that I’ve ever been in a situation like this, but I’m not naive enough to not know what’s going on here. The air in this room is heavy and thick. This man makes me feel and want things I have only ever read or heard about.

  My eyes drop to his lips. I watch as he licks his bottom lip before biting the corner of it. Instinctively, I rub my thighs together, trying to get any kind of relief from my pulsing core.

  Phoenix reaches out and cups the side of my face. I close my eyes. I’m trying too hard to soak his touch in. I’ve wanted this for longer than I care to admit. I want him to touch me, I want him to want me.

  “I’ve missed you, Caroline. I thought about you every moment I was away. Hell, I think about you every moment I’m with you. You have consumed me from the second I walked in that pub closet. You make me want things I have no business wanting and make me think things I have no business thinking. ”

  At some point during his confession, I open my eyes. I have to. I have to make sure this is real, that I really hear the words I’ve been craving to hear all these weeks. Phoenix Castle is at least confessing the feelings I’ve battled are not one hundred percent one-sided. There’s a chance he feels the same way, that he also feels the magnetic pull.

  With each word he says, our mouths move closer and closer to each other. I thought it was just him who was moving, but I can feel myself moving too.

  “I’ve been wanting to do this since we met,” he growls. He dips his head in, but before our lips touch, his phone goes off.

  Please don’t answer it. Please don’t answer it. My hopes plummet when he lets out a loud, frustrated sigh and yanks his phone off the nightstand.

  “What?” he barks into the phone. “That’s really not any of your concern, Mick.”

  I move away a bit when he throws the covers off angrily and climbs out of bed. I know he’s not coming back anytime soon, that the mood from earlier will be ruined, when I hear the guy on the other end of the phone screaming.

  “I said I needed a break.”

  That’s the last thing I hear before he storms into the bathroom and slams the door. As hard as I try to eavesdrop, I hear nothing.

  I am just drifting off to sleep when I hear Phoenix come back out of the bathroom.

  Now we are both back on our backs staring at the same yellow ceiling we were staring at an hour ago. “Is everything okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Sorry about that. It was my manager. Let’s just say he’s not happy about this impromptu road trip.”

  I’m promptly filled with guilt. “He didn’t know about this?”

  “No, and I wanted it that way.”

  “Why?”

  “I came to Lishoy for a break. I’m so tired of my life. Every night is the same. All the people are the same. I’m exhausted. I mean, that’s where I’ve been this past week. I’ve been doing show after show at party after party. That’s been my life since I turned eighteen.”

  I slowly turn on my side to face him again, but Phoenix doesn’t do the same. He remains staring at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. Even though I have a hundred questions, I know asking them isn’t what he needs. Right now he needs me to listen, so that’s what I do.

  “I’m living the life I’ve always wanted from the time I was just a kid. I have hundreds of friends and tons of money, but it’s nothing like I thought it would be. My friends are fake and they only want to be friends because of my fame and my money. The same goes for the females. I’ve been with hundreds of them, but have never connected with anyone. It’s just sex and they only want it so they can say they’ve been with Phoenix Castle.”

  He stops talking. I know, in this moment, I’m supposed to be his friend, to be a listening ear for him, and I want to be, but this is hard. I’m not completely clueless. I can tell just from looking at Phoenix that he’s had many, many women, but hearing him talk about it is surprisingly painful.

  He turns on his side and our faces are now not even an inch away. Of course the only thing I can think about when I look at his lips is how badly I want to kiss them, but I know the moment has passed.

  “Then I met you.” My gaze snaps from his lips to his eyes. “I met you and I instantly felt the connection I’ve desired for so long. You’re beautiful, Caroline, but it’s more than that. You’re intelligent and caring and so fucking innocent. Believe me, I’ve tried to stay away. I’ve tried to keep us as strictly friends, but I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know how you feel, I don’t even know if I’m alone in my feelings, but I can’t stay away anymore.”

  ***

  Beep Beep Beep

  My eyes crack open around the fourth time the god-awful alarm goes off again. Unlike last night, when Phoenix woke me up in the car and I was disoriented, I know where I am immediately. What I can’t figure out is why I’m so warm.

  I get my answer as soon as I look down and see two muscled, tattooed arms wrapped around me, hugging me tight. I try to move my legs but find I can’t because he also has one of his legs draped over mine.

  My stomach is tied in knots. Last night we stayed up talking. I don’t even remember falling asleep, but I know that we didn’t fall asleep in this position. Being in his arms feels exactly like I expected it to feel and more. Of course my heart is doing crazy things, but on top of that, I feel things I haven’t felt in a long time. Actually, things I’ve never felt before—safe and protected, and I’m not ready for these feelings to end just yet, so I don’t move.

  Naturally, my mind wanders to what Phoenix told me last night. He basically told me everything I wished for weeks to hear from his mouth. Of course I’m happy, but I’m also confused. What does this mean now? What happens to us? Are we going to go back to the way we were or are things going to change now?

  I can ask myself these questions all I want, but I won’t come up with the answers by just lying here. I make myself a vow that I’ll just follow his lead. Things won’t be awkward between us as long as I don’t let them be.

  When the alarm goes off again, I make a move to shut it off but freeze when my butt brushes up against his very erect member. I can feel my eyes widen out of panic and I don’t know if I should stay completely still or jump out of the bed so fast you would think it’s on fire.

  The decision is made for me when I try to wiggle my way out of his grasp and his hands move to my hips to stop my movement. “For the love of God, do not move.”

  “Sorry,” I whisper, completely mortified with this situation.

  My heart flips when I feel his lips go to the back of my head. “Don’t be sorry, baby. I’m just giving you a little warning that if you keep moving, this might go somewhere you’re not ready to visit…yet.”

  I just barely bite back a whimper at his words. I wrack my brain for a response, but absolutely nothing comes to mind. Thankfully, I don’t have to come up with one. After one soft kiss to the back of my head, Phoenix jumps out of the bed and saunters to the bathroom.

  “We hit the road in thirty minutes, baby doll. Get ready for the best road trip of your life.”

  Chapter Nine

  Sing In Front Of A Crowd

  “Damn it,” Phoenix hisses from the trunk of the car.

  “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “It isn’t good.”

  “No spare tire?”

  “No spare tire,” he confirms. I hug Bubbles’s bowl against my chest and lean against the car. Then I look up at the sky. It’s going to rain. Even still, today has been an amazing day. Since we left the motel this morning, it’s been nothing but a day full of spontaneous excitement.

  It really has been a road trip to nowhere. He, Bubbles, and I just loaded up in his car and drove, stopping at different shops and flea markets, taking pictures of beautiful scenery. Nothing was planned out, nothing was organized, and it’s been noth
ing like a trip I would normally take, but it’s been the best trip of my entire life and one I’ll remember forever.

  About twenty minutes ago, our trip came to a screeching halt because of a flat tire. I look back at Phoenix when I hear him utter another curse word and see him looking at his cell. “Have no cell service either,” he says.

  “The friend that you borrowed the car from doesn’t normally keep a spare?”

  He chuckles at my question and looks away. I look at him with an expression I’m sure is brimming with suspicion.

  “Well…about that. I didn’t really borrow the car from my manager. I kind of just took it,” he says slowly.

  “You stole his car?” I ask, flabbergasted.

  “It’s not really stealing and it’s not really a big deal. Look, Mick promised me a break. He didn’t keep that promise so I took a break anyway. Let’s say this is payback for not keeping his word.”

  I watch as he walks from the back of the car to stand in front of me. He cups my face in his hands. “I promise you it’s fine. It isn’t the first time I’ve done this, it probably won’t be the last. Right now our biggest worry is getting in the car before it starts to downpour, and then we need to find cell reception.”

  He lets go of my face and jogs around to the driver side door. I try the passenger door handle and find it’s locked. It’s about the third time Phoenix tugs on his door handle that I realize what happened. Phoenix locked us out.

  “Oh and this night just keeps getting better!” he growls.

  I know he’s frustrated, and I know that there’s nothing funny about Phoenix being mad, but when mother nature decides to use this moment to release the heaviest rain storm I’ve seen in a long time on us, I can’t help it. I throw my head back and laugh.

  “Really? You’re choosing this moment to laugh?” he yells over the rain.

  “I wanted an adventure! I’m standing on the side of a back road in the middle of nowhere locked out of our car in a rain storm while holding a gold fish bowl. Now this is an adventure.” I barely finish talking before I’m laughing again, only this time Phoenix joins in.